After the Saskatchewan Roughriders took Edmonton Eskimos head coach Chris Jones and signed him as vice-president of football operations, general manager and head coach, Cam Hutchinson of the Saskatoon Express wrote that Jones “didn’t negotiate a good contract with the Riders. Apparently he left mayor of Regina and premier of Saskatchewan on the table.” . . . Hutchinson, again: “The way curlers now can manipulate rocks with their sweeping, why don’t they just carry them down to the other end of the ice and place them where they want? Something has to be done to bring the skill of throwing the rock back. What I see now is ridiculous.” . . .
The Dallas Cowboys went into this weekend just a game out of top spot in the NFC East, despite their 4-8 record. Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg looks at it this way: “Nobody has performed this badly and been near first place since, well, Donald Trump.” . . . With Wally Buono returning as head coach of the B.C. Lions, Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen points out: “He's racking up as many farewell tours as The Who.” . . . A Thursday afternoon tweet from Rolfsen: “HBO renews The Leftovers for a third and final season. I like to watch it the day after it airs.” . . .
“Timofey Mozgov, the Cleveland Cavaliers’ Russian center, shot 0-for-3 in his only scoreless outing of the season against the Wizards last Tuesday,” notes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “In other words, nothing but nyet.” . . . Perry, again: “Russia plans to build a base on the moon where astronauts can take up permanent residence by 2030. In a related story, Russian underachievers in future Olympics will henceforth be accorded astronaut status.” . . . After outfielder Nori Aoki signed with the Seattle Mariners, he claimed he went with their offer because he wants to win a World Series. Chris Hill, a Seattle Times reader, pointed out: “That’s like going to the moon for water.” . . .
A lot of folks have been getting excited about the Golden State Warriors’ winning streak. Not the Harlem Globetrotters. After the Warriors ran that streak to 27 games, this showed up on the Globetrotters’ Twitter account: ““Congrats to the @Warriors on their 27-game win streak. They’re now just 3,562 short of our current mark.” . . . After the Warriors lost to the Bucks in Milwaukee on Saturday, the Globetrotters tweeted: “Salute to the @Warriors on the streak. We bounced back after our last loss in '06 and they will too.” . . . Greg Cote, in the Miami Herald: “Half of NBA fans are talking about Steph Curry’s unbeaten Warriors, and the other half are talking about Kobe Bryant announcing his retirement. Meanwhile, the Heat on Saturday hosted the Cavaliers and ol’ what’s-his-name.” . . .
“Former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez, who’s serving a life sentence for murder, was moved into the segregation unit of a Massachusetts prison after a handmade knife was found in his cell,” notes Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post. “Sounds like he was planning to deflate somebody.” . . . Hamilton, again: “British astronaut Tim Peake plans to run the London Marathon on April 24 while he’s aboard the International Space Station. The ISS travels at 7.66 kilometres per second, so Peake will cover the distance in about six seconds — just edging Rosie Ruiz for the fastest marathon time ever.” . . .
Jack Finarelli, aka The Sports Curmudgeon, provides what he calls “mythical” college and NFL predictions on a weekly basis. If you are one who uses those for gambling purposes, he suggests: “You probably think khakis are what you need to start a car in Boston.” . . . By the way, if you haven’t already, you should check him out at SportsCurmudgeon.com. . . . I would have liked to have seen general manager Jim Rutherford go behind the bench with the Pittsburgh Penguins after he fired head coach Mike Johnston on Saturday morning. It would have been interesting to see Rutherford work without the defencemen that he failed to trade for or sign. . . .
“The NFL is reportedly increasing security at stadiums to keep out the unstable,” writes Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “When you look at the number of shirtless, inebriated fans with lettering on their chests, we could see many stadiums half full.” . . . If you’re a New York Yankees fan you have to be thrilled that first baseman Greg Bird is 23, second baseman Starlin Castro is 25 and shortstop Didi Gregorius is 25. . . . Now about that starting pitching. . . .
Headline at TheOnion.com: Kobe Bryant tears up while reflecting on all the mistakes teammates made during his career. . . . Another headline from the gang at TheOnion.com: Johnny Manziel hits rock bottom after waking up as Browns starter for third time this year. . . . Headline at Fark.com: Johnny Bench unbenched by the Browns. . . .
“So the Fiesta Bowl is now the BattleFrog Fiesta Bowl? Say it ain’t so,” writes Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “Now we won’t be able to hear announcers say in the fourth quarter: ‘This is for all the Tostitos.’ ” . . . Hough, again: “The San Antonio Spurs, without Tim Duncan, beat the Philadelphia 76ers 119-68. If the 76ers keep up this pace, the NBA might want to consider a mercy rule.” . . . One more from Hough: “Cleveland Browns head coach Mike Pettine said that ‘I imagine repercussions would be harsh’ if quarterback Johnny Manziel has another off-field transgression. It’s all part of the NFL and Cleveland’s ’12-strikes-and-you’re-out policy.’ ”
(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at firstname.lastname@example.org and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)