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Roughriders' season full of bad numbers

Joe Maddon as Father Time?
By Gregg Drinnan
August 15, 2015 1:40 P.M.

OK, here’s the deal on gasoline prices, as I see it. Gasoline is a commodity. With oil somewhere below $50 a barrel, big oil is losing money. Lots of it. (Well, actually, they aren’t losing money; profits just aren’t in the stratosphere where they usually are.) So . . . how to make up the shortfall? You get one guess. . . . As long as we keep driving and filling up, gas prices will keep being like The Jeffersons and moving on up. . . . With numerous reports out of Rio de Janeiro on polluted venues for some water sports, Swiss rower Katharina Strahl told The Associated Press: “I don’t think in this lake they’ll be throwing the coxswain into the water.” . . .

The Saskatchewan Roughriders are 0-7 for the third time in their history. They also were there in 1959 and 1979. . . . The Roughriders are wrapping up their bye week now, with the Calgary Stampeders to visit Regina on Saturday. . . . Do I hear 0-8? . . . The Roughriders have just two takeaways this season — and one of those was a turnover on downs — which sums up their defence. In losing 30-26 to the Argos in Toronto last weekend, the Roughriders took a team-record 24 penalties; they had 23 first downs. . . . In the first half, they took three touchdowns and a field goal off the board because of penalties. . . . And to think that they’re building a $278-million stadium for these guys. . . .

“Tom Brady reportedly joined Ben Affleck in going to a poker tournament in Las Vegas,” notes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe., Calif., correspondent. “That was the infamous one in which Affleck's nanny joined him while being hidden the entire time. Divorce attorneys are discussing whether or not Brady helped Affleck invoke the Tuck Away Rule.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Floyd Mayweather stated recently that he considers himself the best fighter of all-time, while he ranked  Muhammad Ali fifth. Had Floyd just finished a fifth?” . . . Not only is Chicago Cubs manager Joe Maddon growing a beard, but he has said he will keep it until the Cubs win the World Series. “Organizers of the Times Square New Year’s Eve celebration immediately offered him a permanent gig to play Father Time,” Littlejohn reports.

“According to the Daily Mail,” notes the well-read RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, “for more than 1,000 years The Great Wall of China has been in a constant state of rebuilding. ‘See?’ said the Cubs.” . . . “Organizers for the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang named Lindsey Vonn the first-ever International Games Ambassador,” Currie writes. “Her duties include promoting skiing and throwing ceremonial first bribes.” . . . So now that we’ve got a deep-dish bacon-wrapped pizza with bacon on top, where does society go from here, or is our work here done? . . .

Ian Hamilton of the Regina Leader-Post, on a Monday soccer game from Germany: “The game between RB Leipzig and Osnabrueck was stopped in the 71st minute after the referee was hit on the head by a lighter thrown by an Osnabrueck fan. Osnabrueck was leading 1-0 when the game was halted, but a tribunal on Friday awarded Leipzig the win by a score of 2-Zippo.” . . . “The Woods Jupiter, an $8-million restaurant owned by Tiger Woods, opened this week in Jupiter, Fla.,” Hamilton reported. “Woods won’t be there all the time, but with the way he’s been playing, he should be available most weekends.” . . .

“Scientists have found possible marijuana residue in William Shakespeare’s pipes,” reports Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe. “So maybe what the playwright meant to write was ‘Doobie or not doobie?’ ” . . . Limberbutt McCubbins, a cat from Kentucky, is entering the U.S. presidential race. As Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong put it: “Now people have a choice between it and the squirrel that lives atop Donald Trump’s head.” . . . New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady turned 38 last week. “I hope he didn’t use those two equipment managers to blow up the balloons,” noted Chong. . . .

ICYMI, the Harlem Globetrotters have ended a 63-year relationship by telling the Washington Generals that they’re through beating up on them. Vancouver comic Torben Rolfsen noted: “They’re going to use the New York Knicks instead.” . . . Did you see photos from the Colorado River, after three million gallons of toxic waste were dumped into it? On a positive note, Rolfsen wrote, “U.S. rowers now have an appropriate training site for the Rio Olympics.” . . .

Sheesh, New York Jets quarterback Geno Smith suffers a broken jaw when he gets sucker-punched in the NFL team’s locker-room. Who would have guessed that would happen with Rex Ryan not part of that circus anymore? . . . Cris Carter, a Hall of Fame receiver who now works for ESPN, said that Smith’s “lack of leadership” put him in a position to be sucker-punched by a teammate. Tom Crabtree, a former Green Bay Packers tight end, heard that and responded: “Total lack of leadership by Abraham Lincoln to put himself in that position.” . . .

“There is YouTube video of a drunk golfer in Wolstanton, England, who got his head stuck in a trash can,” reports Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald. “If this guy is granted an exemption for next year’s Masters, I’ll watch.” . . . One more from Dickson: “Police in Spain discovered cocaine hidden inside pineapples. These are the first pineapples selling for $700 apiece that were not in the organic produce section of Whole Foods.” . . . Dickson again: “A popular new online video shows a giant water balloon with a man inside popping in slow motion. The man inside the water balloon is now an Internet celebrity. Remember when you had to fly across the Atlantic Ocean or discover Penicillin to be famous?”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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