If someone should lose an oar in Rio . . .

Did you know: Zika isn't Brazilian soccer star
August 7, 2016 8:56 P.M.

While in Montreal the other day, P.K. Subban was heard to say: “Can someone get me a beer? A good beer. Not that Molson stuff.” . . . You think he might have a chip on his shoulder as big as all outdoors? You think he might have a grand 2016-17 season for the Nashville Predators? . . . “The IOC won’t completely ban Russia from the Rio Olympics,” noted Janice Hough, aka The Left Coast Sports Babe, one day last month. “And many Russian athletes are thinking now, ‘Damn, so this means we have to go?’ ” . . . When the NFL season opens, the Dallas Cowboys will have three players off their defence serving drug-related suspensions. Hough wonders: “Will the Dallas coaching staff be adding a probation officer?” . . .

“At the Democratic National Convention,” writes Bill Littlejohn, our South Lake Tahoe, Calif., correspondent, “Kareem Abdul-Jabbar took the podium and introduced himself as Michael Jordan ‘because Donald Trump won't know the difference.’ Wrong, Kareem — Donald thought you were Wilt Chamberlain.” . . . It has been suggested that Olympic swimmers keep their mouths closed when in polluted waters around Rio. “To prepare,” Littlejohn reports, “the U.S. team is training at the Oakland Coliseum.” . . . Littlejohn, again: “Draymond Green is on such a fast track to becoming another Dennis Rodman that insiders say he’s already choosing a wedding dress.” . . . It’s 2016 and NBC has tape-delayed Olympic Games coverage on the West Coast. How head-shaking fantastically dumb is that? . . .

Pre-Games headline at SportsPickle.com: Line already growing for Olympic Village’s working toilet. . . . The mayor of Rio worked really hard to get Pokémon Go working before the Olympic Games started. As NBC-TV’s Jimmy Fallon put it: “So now you can go to Rio and catch two things.” . . . Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., noted: “The sad part is that Pikachu has already been sent back to Japan for failing a mandatory drug test.” . . . Headline at TheKicker.com: Every Olympic swimmer tests positive for all drugs after dip in Rio bay. . . . Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel wonders: “What will be more polluted at the Olympics, the water in Brazil or the blood of the Russian athletes?” . . .

Gary Bettman, the NHL commissioner, has stated that a link between concussions and CTE hasn’t been proven. Which resulted in Torben Rolfsen, the host of The Rolfsen Report on TSN 1040 Vancouver on Saturday mornings, to note: “There is also apparently no link between market research and expansion franchises.” . . . NFL Hall-of-Famer Warren Sapp was bitten on one arm by a shark while lobster fishing the other day. “People are fundraising to give the shark another shot at him,” reported Rolfsen. . . . “If someone loses an oar in Rio,” Rolfsen says, “they could be up s**t creek without a paddle.” . . . Donald Trump has complained that two presidential debates will be on TV against NFL games. Here’s Rolfsen: “If he’s really worried about losing viewers, he should be thankful they’re not at the same time as demolition derbies.” . . .
After Chicago White Sox pitcher Chris Sale was suspended for cutting up the club’s throwback uniforms, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg noted: “If he had done that for the Pittsburgh Steelers, they’d throw him a parade.” . . . If you are a follower of the CFL you should be reading Kirk Penton of the Winnipeg Sun. . . . “The only way to get experience,” offered Rod Black, TSN’s wise old man, during Saturday night’s CFL game, “is getting experience.” . . . Cam Hutchinson, in the Saskatoon Express: “It has turned out that Eugenie Bouchard was a one-Wimbledon wonder.” Unfortunately, he may be correct. . . . One more from Hutchinson, who wonders: “How many times this month will the headline Blame it on Rio be written?” . . .

“CBC News reported that the Manitoba port of Churchill likely will remain shut down for the season,” noted RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com. “They aren’t sure about Winnipeg quarterback Drew Willy.” . . . “Have you heard J.K. Rowling has a new book about a golfer who is a wizard on the greens?” Currie asks. “It’s called Harry Putter.” . . . Currie, again: “Scientists in Sydney, Australia, estimate the global cost of physical inactivity will exceed US$67 billion this year. This includes $20 million the Yankees will spend on A-Rod.” . . .

“It took 22 seconds for John Senden’s putt to fall after it stopped on the lip of the cup at No. 16 during the (opening round of the) PGA Championship,” writes Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “The first congratulatory tweet, we assume, came from Danny Noonan.” . . . Perry, again: “Kevin Durant’s restaurant in Oklahoma City — to no one’s surprise after the Thunder star bolted for the Golden State Warriors — has shuttered its doors, with another establishment set to soon replace it. Here’s guessing it won’t be a Sonic Drive-In.” . . . One more from Perry: “Sure sign you haven’t been paying close enough attention to the Olympic Games: You think Zika is Brazil’s latest soccer star.” . . .

“Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks,” reports Richmond, B.C., blogger TC Chong. “Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . . Chong, again: “Rio Olympics bumper sticker we’d like to see: We’re up to our waist in human waste.” . . . If you missed it, Sugar Ray Leonard, he of boxing fame, turned 60 the other day. As the afore-mentioned Fallon noted: “You can tell he’s getting older by his new name — Splenda Ray Leonard.”

(Gregg Drinnan is a former sports editor of the Regina Leader-Post and the late Kamloops Daily News. He is at greggdrinnan@gmail.com and twitter.com/gdrinnan. Keeping Score appears here on weekends, except when it doesn’t.)

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